The self-reflection that came from 'selfish' wishing

At a 12-step meeting last Sunday, I heard that it is selfish to wish someone behaved differently. This gave me pause for self-reflection.

It often happens that I wish people in my life would make different choices. I wish they would adopt healthier habits - better diets, more exercise, avoiding substances that can cause harm. I genuinely want the best for them.

However, I’m realizing these wishes also point to something in me that needs adjustment.

• What does this say about my own patterns?

• Have I become over-involved, attempting to excessively care for or change others?

• Is this a sign I need better boundaries?

I’m learning that wanting things to be different is rooted in deeper emotions - fear, grief, anger. I’m also learning that by focusing less on changing others and more on accepting with compassion, I can become curious about myself and where in my body the discomfort exists.

Then, I can turn my efforts toward personal growth and self-care (ie noting my emotions and comforting myself), rather than trying to shape how others live.

As I learn about myself, my faults, and the pain I’ve caused, I’m seeing many areas for improvement. With time and progress, I can become less judgmental and more at peace.

My hope is to approach my relationships with empathy, humility, and grace. Rather than a selfish desire for others to change.