The importance of rebuilding one’s life after divorce
He was an attractive and intelligent man in his 40’s, who—despite his comfortable salary, purposeful job, and elegant wardrobe—drove a rusty clunker and lived in a studio with musty furniture in a drug-infested part of town. He had few friends, lacked hobbies, chain smoked, and rarely exercised. He bounced between two unavailable women: one who drank at breakfast and the other who lived abroad.
I couldn’t figure it out. Here was a professional man in well-ironed shirts living like a rebellious teenager.
During one of our sessions, he said: “Since my wife threw me out 10 years ago and our acrimonious divorce, I haven’t been able to rebuild my life.”
Soon after, he met a woman in a café who won over his heart. Two weeks later, she ended the relationship, citing his unhealthy lifestyle and suffocating behavior.
How did he respond?
He quit smoking, moved into a nice neighborhood with a beautiful view, and bought a new car and furniture. He also started hiking and cooking healthy meals. He found a therapist, with whom he worked on processing the grief surrounding his divorce. He reconnected with his family and even began taking photographs.
Fast forward two years. His new self attracted a single healthy woman with whom he has been able to create a loving relationship.