DEAR DIANA: I just smelled cigarettes on my boyfriend of eight years and he is admitting to smoking behind my back for the past month. He says smoking a cannabis joint triggered his desire to smoke nicotine again. He knows I can’t stand smoking and that it’s a deal-breaker in our relationship. I've expressed my displeasure and we've had a conversation. He says it was a stupid thing to do and has thrown the last cigarette he had away. He reassures me he’s not addicted. I am afraid. Why would he do such a thing and what can I do to protect myself in case he doesn’t quit? —STUNNED BY SMOKE
DEAR STUNNED: I'm so sorry you're facing this issue. I understand why you might feel betrayed and upset. Sometimes, those closest to us can make choices that go against our values.
There might be various reasons for his actions. He mentioned smoking a cannabis joint triggering his desire to smoke nicotine. Often cannabis and nicotine are smoked together, creating an association. Plus, cross addiction is real. One substance can trigger cravings for another especially if there is a history of using both. He may have been curious after being smoke-free for a while to see how it would be to smoke again, not realizing how quickly one can go back to an old habit. Often people turn to substances for stress relief or as a coping mechanism. In retrospect, that first smoke was the only one he had control over, especially if abstinence had been working.
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