London Marathon morning: finding my NYC anchor
6:30 a.m. — I've just arrived at London Heathrow after flying from Boston. The weather here is surprisingly sunny and warm - a welcome change from the mist and wind I left behind. I've never experienced such fast immigration and baggage "reclaim." I literally never stopped walking since exiting the plane and the espresso at the airport bar is really good. Apparently, all those jokes about British food don't apply to coffee.
7:30 a.m. — The taxi driver was happy to bring me to Mayfair, where I am staying. He talked about finances on the phone the entire drive. A quick Google search said to tip London taxi drivers but not more than 10 percent. I arrive a bit dizzy from looking at my screen. Note to self: Reading about tipping etiquette while in motion is not my superpower.
8:30 a.m.— It's too early to get into my room, so I sit in the bar area, order breakfast and type on my laptop. The famous London Marathon is about to start, and my hotel is near the finish line. A woman wearing a starting number rushes through the hotel. She looks nervous and excited.
As I write, I'm sipping an "Americano" that's a little too strong after that first espresso I had. I'm still a little queasy from the drive. The server brings me buttery shortbread cookies. I enjoy them guilt-free hoping they'll settle my stomach and also since I'm doing food allergy testing next week, and the bot at Function Health encouraged me to eat a little gluten. I'm curious to get the lab results.
Later today, I will get to spend time with Esmond's family. This will help with closure. It’s been surreal. I find myself talking to him throughout the day. Official ceremonies are in June and July.
I'm pondering life and how grief affects our choices. I've been going back and forth about whether to renew my NYC apartment lease.
I don't like making big decisions—especially financial ones. Esmond gave me a book five years ago: Women Who Think Too Much by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. He knew me well. I've often thought decisions were all about numbers, but really, feelings like a sense of belonging play a huge role. The journey to making that choice taught me far more than any spreadsheet ever could.
At first, keeping my lease felt foolhardy: there was a contract change I hadn't been told about, leaving me betrayed and angry; one of my good friends in the neighborhood is moving away; and my therapist said I should let the apartment go since I expressed guilt about the cost.
What surprised me most was the rootlessness that enveloped me while writing last week's piece about the doormen. I realized I was losing a base, a community. I also reflected about another important community: the karate community. My karate buddies, my sensei who is one of the best in the world... the apartment changed from being an expense to being an anchor - a good anchor.
My commitment to karate in NYC runs deep. I'm fine-tuning my movements in this martial art, aligning with mastery as one of my top values. Someday I’d like to pay it forward by teaching. Having a place in NYC means I can train consistently with my sensei - an opportunity difficult to replicate anywhere else in the world.
What changed my mind was a call with a friend who reminded me about opportunity cost: what you give up when you choose one thing over another. By choosing hotels over the apartment, I was losing the freedom and peace of mind of having a home and routine in NYC.
What do I miss by keeping it? Being able to stay in different hotels around the world. Do I really want to be like a ship floating about without a mooring? Not really. At 54, I am done with being a gypsy.
That same day, I got a tax refund, which helped with money worries. I also found out hotel prices had risen, eliminating any great savings there.
In the end, I called the building manager—instead of emailing—and learned he was new and hadn’t been told about the contract change. He wrote me a guarantee for the amenities. So I signed the lease.
I've learned some bigger lessons about making decisions:
Good advisors are important, but remember they only advise about their lane.
Feelings and connections matter as much as money plans
Never make a decision when angry
A sense of belonging and health routines are forms of wealth too
My friend's passing has helped me see that life is short. We need to enjoy each day without spending it feeling guilty.
10:45 a.m. — As I sit here in the bar of a London hotel, sipping peppermint tea to ease my queasiness, I watch guests emerge for breakfast. The staff says "good morning" in that polite British way. Maybe I’ll get to catch the end of the marathon. I've never seen a body after it has run 26 miles.
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