I was lucky. I got grounding as a kid, the kind of grounding that comes from receiving an Asian upbringing. It has helped me to be less anxious, something that plagues randomness believing westerners.
My twin brothers and I were raised by two moms: one biological and one chosen. The chosen one was Chinese Malaysian, and she came into our lives when I was five. She had authority to discipline as well as to teach us habits and skills.
Life with Nanny was orderly. Every night at 8pm, she said: “Go upstairs, brush your teeth and take a bath.” She'd check and lay out our clothes for the next day.
After school, she was always home to greet us. She’d lined up a snack on the counter. If we reached for the cookies without washing our hands, she'd remind us to do so.
She taught us how to wash dishes, clean our muddy shoes, take out the trash, walk the dog, set the table, and make salad dressing.
She was a woman of few words. “Elbows off the table!” “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” “Rinse off your plates before putting them in the dishwasher.”
When I cleaned my room, she said: "You did a good job, Diana."
She taught me how to use a sewing machine. Later, I would use the skill to make curtains for my first boyfriend.
Once, when we missed the school bus, she made us pool our coins we had earned singing in the choir to pay for a taxi. We were never late again.
She drilled into us that if we cleaned up after ourselves as we went along, we would avoid more work later.
If we mouthed off (oh my!), it was lecture time. For what seemed like hours, we stood in our pajamas, while she spoke about gratitude, acceptance, respect, trying our best, and striving for good character. She taught us a life philosophy. No wonder I feel so comfortable in a karate dojo.
“Complaining only makes the problem bigger,” she said. “Try to make the problem smaller.”
The same went for talking about other people’s problems. "You can't do anything about it. So, why keep thinking about it?" she said.
I’m going to use that one about making the problem smaller! Thank you Cheng! I love reading this, Diana! 💕
Good description of Cheng!