"When you are shy, you’re only thinking about yourself," Mom said.
I prickled at those words then, but today, I believe that showing an interest in and truly listening to another human is the greatest gift one can give. Mom modeled connecting with others and networking in a non-transactional way. She got a kick out of bringing people together with similar interests.
“He runs a school with organic gardens; I'll invite so-and-so who runs the local arboretum,” is something she's been known to say.
By the time we were 10, it was expected for us three children to join meals with fascinating and eclectic people from all walks of life. She'd host Princess Grace one week, the local contractor the next.
In the 1960's, she travelled to Europe, Siberia, and Africa. She worked as a photojournalist for international publications, interviewed ambassadors, and photographed Coco Chanel. After moving to the US, she published a book and became an environmentalist and social activist. She made us volunteer at fundraisers for Save The Bay. Later, she bought a local newspaper.
To engage in service, journalism, and photography, she had the foresight and generosity to share the raising of her three children with Nanny.
It takes two parental figures to teach kids well and pursue a career at the same time.
She pushed us to excel academically and gave us the resources to do so. She taught us how to balance a checkbook and how to manage pocket money by not paying for our bus tickets to and from boarding school nor for soap, toothpaste, and shampoo. If we ran out of money, oh well, we had to wait until next month, teaching us patience and thrift
Mom was like a wise father you went to for advice when things got bad.
“99% of things you worry about don’t happen,” she said when I expressed anxiety. Her words helped.
She trusted that we could handle life by refusing to drive us everywhere and making us ride our bikes to after-school activities. I've since only witnessed this kind of non-helicopter parenting in the Swiss Alps.
Her generosity of spirit gave us space.
😊Don’t get me started on helicopter parenting. It’s the best way to foster dependence and lack of confidence. Is that really what parents want?