Defending one’s opinion and on ‘Is that so?’
This week, I posted an article on social media that seems to have provoked people.
The article was written by Dr. Roger Landry and it was titled: “Think you’re always right? It’s probably ruining your relationship,” (the title of which changed mysteriously after I posted it.")
“Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle goes as far as to describe the need to be right as a form of violence. At its mildest, it is inflexibility. At its height, it manifests as dominance. The compulsion to inflict our opinions of the world on another originates in fear. Its opposites are humility and compassion.”
It’s similar to a Zen Master Hakuin anecdote retold by the very same Eckhart Tolle in his book A New Earth.
In the story, Hakuin responds to false accusations of impregnating a young girl with the words: “Is that so?” He does not defend himself, nor does he admit to something untrue.
Eventually, the girl confesses her lie, and she, her parents and the villagers who had vilified him apologize to him.
Tolle interprets the lesson as there’s a lot “of good that can come through inner nonresistance to events, that is to say, being at one with what happens.”
Had he attempted to defend himself, things might have escalated and he might have lost his serenity and the respect of others.
My Buddhist mentor often said: “Make problems smaller, not bigger.”
Recently, I asked her what she thought about the Hakuin story, and she said: “If you know the truth in your heart, that’s all that matters.”
“And unfortunately, what we defend against we make real.” - Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-ANon II (June 3rd)