Boundaries as guardrails
Finding balance in a demanding world: Part 3
While the term "boundaries" has become a popular buzzword over the past decade, concrete examples beyond phrases like "no is a complete sentence" and "work-life balance" remain surprisingly scarce.
Some have misused their perceived concept of boundaries as a tool for controlling others, leading to growing skepticism about the term. For example, consider a client whose husband would say: "I need a boundary where you don't spend time with that unhealthy friend because it makes me uncomfortable." While it's natural to discuss comfort zones in relationships, using boundaries to restrict a loved one's relationships crosses into control.
But boundaries serve a vital purpose.
Like guardrails on a boat or on a road, boundaries protect our time, energy, and focus. Without them, we risk burnout and becoming so scattered that we lose sight of what truly matters.
Essential types of boundaries
Time guardrails: Set clear beginnings and endings to your work hours, signaling when work stops and personal time begins. In Switzerland, companies build these boundaries into their culture through breaks and mandatory 1-1.5 hour lunches, all of which are unpaid.
Emotional guardrails: Maintain professional distance by limiting personal information shared in the workplace. This creates psychological safety.
Relationship guardrails: "I need a few hours each week to play tennis. It helps me show up better in our relationship." This type of boundary supports individual well-being while enhancing the partnership - it's not restrictive but rather enables both people to bring their best selves to shared time.
Decision-making guardrails: Create structure to align choices with core goals. An esteemed professor and mentor keeps three sticky notes on his screen listing his focus areas (work related to his brand, his art, and mental health) and declines everything else.
Health and well-being guardrails: Protect essential routines like journaling, exercise, and sleep. As I've learned with my martial arts training, I only make exceptions for significant family events. When tempted to bend these boundaries, I visualize a dark cloud of burnout and remind myself: "I deserve to live and have a good life."
Setting boundaries effectively
Do not yell. Do not degrade.
Use clear, compassionate communication. "I need 30 minutes at the end of each day for myself before I can jump into a call."
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Reflection question
What small boundary can you set to find balance this week?